7 rude things people do in public

1. Wear sunglasses indoors. I absolutely do not get this ridiculousness unless you are going for the douche bag look. Maybe if you took your sunglasses off then you would see where you are going instead of being in everyone’s way. It’s also just so rude to be speaking to someone in a store with them on.

2. Smoke anywhere & everywhere. Smokers are as inconsiderate as they get. Don’t smoke in front of entrances or shared walking spaces where non-smokers have to pass by. I put smokers in the same category as people with body odour and personal hygiene problems. 

3. Have no sense of personal space. We have all experienced this standing in a queue. Someone stands too close to you, so you move away and then they get even closer. If your purpose is to climb into my body then you are probably not standing close enough. If not please repeat after me, standing closer to someone doesn’t get you to the front of the queue any faster. Speaking of queues don’t be a queue jumper!

4. Stand in the middle of nowhere. It makes no sense to me whatsoever why people will stop and stand in the middle of nowhere in everyone’s way. You can be just as stupid on the sidelines out of the way.  

5. Being unnecessarily noisy. There is no need for the entire restaurant to be involved in your group antics, no need for everyone sharing public transport to partake in your cellphone conversation and no need for the rest of the office to bob along to the music blasting from your earphones. 

6. Having no regards to rules. I don’t know why people think disobeying makes them cool. It isn’t school anymore. If it says no taking pictures, don’t take a flipping picture. Don’t trespass. Don’t sit in a seat you didn’t pay for. Pay your fines, pay your etolls and don’t bribe cops. It’s not difficult. 

7. No control over their kids. Now I know kids will be kids. We were all there and misbehaved but within some sort of reason. I can’t expect you to leave your kids at home so unfortunately we have to coexist in public spaces. While I don’t mind a crying baby I do mind kids who wreck havoc. They kick people, drop items in stores, touch people’s stuff with their dirty hands and sometimes are just in the way by rolling around on the couch while you trying a pair of shoes on. Don’t bring your kids to confined spaces where they will be bored and act out. Rather take them to Papachinos and do your shopping online. 

Common & People,
CG

7 things I hope 2017 will be

1. The year where people choose an engagement ring that isn’t the now very common halo design.

2. The year people stop using the words fam, lit, squad, staycation, slay and goals.

3. The year that people stop pretending avocado on toast is a recipe.

4. The year where people use social media to interact and share, instead of using it to stalk, judge, gossip, hate, lie and pretend. 

5. The year where influencers in SA clearly mark which posts are sponsored and paid for. 

6. The year where Twitter finally lets us edit our tweets. 

7. A year of new trends as we see the old ones of copper everything, OTT desserts, Pokémon Go, pool floats, metallic balloons (I still want one!), matcha, off the shoulder tops, chokers and (please God) halo engagement rings go out.

Most of all I hope for a year filled with new beginnings, happiness, love, laughter, success and good memories.

Cheers 2016 & Happy 2017!
CG

7 things stupid people don’t understand about designer handbags 

While the title of the post and contents refer to handbags it can be applied to most things you can purchase. Also yes, I get that this post can be seen as hypocritical in telling someone not to do certain things while at the same time saying everyone should be able to do as they please. But it isn’t okay when doing so is at the detriment of others which is why this is my solution to being forced into a narrative I didn’t ask to be included in. And stupid people are funny and I like making fun of them, especially when they don’t know they are stupid.

1. It’s not your money. It is not your life. It doesn’t affect you. It is none of your business. Lets be honest we all judge, all the time. But be a dear and keep it to yourself unless asked. Or write a passive aggressive blog post like I do. It is best you take your ugly nose out of my business and don’t come for me unless I send for you.

2. It’s all relative. I find it extremely funny to have to explain this to educated professional people because well let’s be honest you can have a degree and still be as dumb as fuck. To someone who has nothing, what someone else takes for granted might seem expensive or wasteful. No two individuals will earn exactly the same and spend in exactly the same way. As such these comparisons are just pointless. What’s a large some of money is relative to your earnings, savings and spending habits. If you must compare maybe compare yourself to someone more on your level.

3. I could never spend that money on a handbag comment. No one is asking you to. No one is suggesting you should. This comment opens you to a whole litany of judgements. Well honey, where do I even begin? You spend the same amount of money on exercise and still have love handles; you spend more on a cellphone which you discard after two years; you spend more in two months rent, you probably spend that equivalent on clothes for a few months or maybe even on your car. Just because you spend money in smaller amounts doesn’t make it less expensive. A handbag is equivalent to a R30 habit a day for a year, the same as coffee, cigarettes or lunch except you have it for a lifetime.

4. The fake concern that other people will think it’s fake.  The only time this would be a cause of concern is if your handbag is actually fake. Then it shouldn’t matter because it is the truth. If you have the real thing chances are you bought it for you and don’t care what other people think. Why would I care about the opinion of someone that doesn’t have the knowledge to tell the difference? Someone who doesn’t know handbags shouldn’t be commenting on an item’s authenticity. I wouldn’t go to dentist to ask about heart advice. It is also really funny that you mention fake because then I would mention the horrendous fake unnatural hideous streaks in your hair.

5. Hierarchy exists everywhere.  Unless you are one of the richest people in the world; in which case you wouldn’t be reading this silly blog post; there is always going to be someone richer than you or at a different level in life. It’s like judging a person for driving a BMW when all you can afford/your personal taste is why you drive an Atos. Or in handbag terms, the one with a Mr Price bag judges the one with the Forever New Bag who judges the one with the Louis Vuitton bag who judges the one with Chanel. We live in a consumerism world. If that wasn’t the case you would buy the cheapest, possibly ugliest thing that gets the job done. If the need is to eat food to survive why do you turn your nose up at groceries that are from Pick n Pay/Checkers because it isn’t Woolies? Why do you choose to buy a certain brand because it will last longer than something cheaper? Why is not okay for me to buy a handbag that I know will last a lifetime and become vintage when your handbag needs replacing every year? Just because it’s a handbag and not something you place any value on doesn’t mean the same logic ceases to apply.

6. Different things make different people happy. People place values on different things. Some people buy a car, some people go on holidays, some people love eating out, some people shop and some people all of the above. How boring would it be if we are all the same. Everyone has an expensive something that they splurge on and probably doesn’t make sense. Don’t judge me because it’s different to yours.

7. Jealousy makes you nasty, nasty makes you ugly, ugly makes you unhappy. If you know someone and are close to them, you would probably be happy if something makes them happy, whatever that might be. If that isn’t the case or if the person is a stranger then the only reason for your comments is that you must be unhappy and jealous. Because if not then what someone does with their life shouldn’t affect you. So rather put a stop to your comparisons, jealousy and forcing your opinions down people’s throats and learn to be happy.

I leave you with the not so profound words of “do you boo”. *Snaps fingers, and sashays of with Louis Vuitton in tow.

img_2548

img_0007

img_3591

Designer & Opinions,
CG

7 times I find myself rolling my eyes

If you met me you would realize that I tend to roll my eyes a lot to show annoyance / exasperation / boredom / disdain, you get the picture. So I decided a little blog post was in order on the exasperating habits of people that I find myself rolling my eyes to. Note: No eyes were hurt in the making of this post.

1. Every time a person decides a restaurant is just simply fabulous because they had an amazing steak there. What’s wrong with that you say? I can’t trust people who only ever order steak and don’t actually know what other food tastes like. I also don’t listen to people who only order steak when they not paying. Lastly I highly doubt you can be a steak expert if you have loved it every single place you have eaten at. Basically if you are someone obsessed with just a slab of meat don’t try and tell me your stupid recommendations based on that. I mean you can, but my eyes will just laugh at you. 

eyes2

2. When I see yet another person doing an MBA I am sure to roll my eyes just a little before hitting like and being happy for them. I can’t say exactly why. Maybe it’s because people lie about why they are doing it. Just own up and say you want a year off from working. Maybe it’s because people think they are better than others. Maybe it’s because practically everyone does it these days it’s just so common. Maybe it’s because you would progress so much more if you invested the same amount of time and energy in your current job. Maybe it’s because I am jealous that I have no ambition to do one. Whatever the reason cue rolling eyes on my part. 

eyes4

3. Every time people are so far up their own arse you just have to hear about them the whole time. I have been stuck in conversations with friends where I have literally been asked nothing about my life. Not a general how are you / work / family / health / fiancé / wedding planning / house hunting / travel plans / anything. I just have try very hard to stop the constant bored eye rolling on my part.

eyes3

4. Referring to Heritage day as Braai day. It grates me so much that people can reduce such an important public holiday to just about braaing.

eyes5

5. Denying that white privilege and sexism still exists. This doesn’t just make me roll my eyes, it makes me absolutely livid especially when it’s coming from young, educated people who should be the future of this country. Even worse is that they don’t even realize what they are saying is both racist and sexist.  

eyes1

6. The year is 2016 and people are still doing stupid nomination challenges on Facebook. If you want to post something just bladdy well post it. I especially hate the not so Oscar worthy speech thanking someone for nominating them. Excuse me while my eyes roll so far back in my head I can’t see anymore. 

eyes6

7. Whenever someone announces they are going off social media I have to stop my eyes from rolling right of my face. It’s just so stupid and attention seeking because a) it never lasts & b) if people have your contact details Facebook will not be the first point of contact.

eyes7

Eyes & Rolls,
CG

7 Annoying food trends 

1. Balsamic reduction over everything. I don’t know how this ever became a thing. It’s sickly sweet, sticky and doesn’t complement the food. The only place for balsamic anything is the vinegar kind in a bottle on the table. There is also the dessert equivalent of sprinkling icing sugar over everything which is infinitely worse. 

 2. Lindt in dessert. I love Lindt as much as the next person does but why are people ruining perfectly good chocolate by deforming it and adding it to dessert where people can’t even tell it is Lindt?

3. Combination foods. I can’t keep up with the cronuts, doughssants, cannonut, cruffin and who knows what else is out there. I wish for all things sweet to be simple again. 

4. Massive overpriced milkshakes. The only thing this is good for is an Instagram post. You can’t finish it by yourself, it tastes just okay, contains an overload of calories, leaves you phlegmy and costs over R100 bucks!

5. Macarons. For me it is Pierre Herme (preferably in Paris) or nothing. No, not even Laduree. I thought this would die off the same way the red velvet and rainbow cake did, but no. Everyone wants macaroons. MACAROONS. It’s macarons you idiots! Even more disturbing are people who sell/make them and don’t know the difference. 

6. Cold pressed juices. I’m sorry but I haven’t drunk the magic juice to believe this is going to solve all my problems while making me amazingly healthy and beautiful. The veggie juices might be okay but the fruit juices are packed with sugar. And yes even natural sugar in high quantities can be bad for you. Why people don’t skip the overpriced juice and eat a fruit or vegetable is beyond me. Oh wait, they don’t make for beautiful Instagrams and Snaps. 

7. Mediocre market food. I am quite over the Johannesburg market scene as the exact same food vendors are at all the markets. Long queues, expensive prices, small portions, average taste and boring food has left me finding a food fix at a restaurant for the same price rather.

Food & Trends,
CG

7 fashion sins men commit

1. Chinos. Beige chinos have a special place in clothing hell. It really is a gross colour especially for pants. Chinos are neither formal not casual and don’t match anything well. They fall into the clothing choice category for old men who don’t want to wear jeans. I bet even Ian Somerhalder would not look good in a pair. Now that is saying something.

2. Tucking a formal shirt into your jeans. If you are one of those guys that have an urge to do this, why don’t you wear your formal pants to work instead. Eyes everywhere will silently thank you. I must point out that this is a wild card entry on the list simply because I have seen some guys pull this look off. However it’s probably more the fact that they are incredibly tall (1.85m) and extremely good looking than anything else. If you don’t fall into these categories, I’m sorry but that tucked shirt is just not that into you. While on the subject of shirts, let’s have a small shout out to short sleeve formal shirts. The sin of all sins. The crocs of the shirt world. If you were going for the farmer look by all means proceed otherwise hell no!

3. Any shirt/jacket or jersey that has been possessed by a patch on the elbow in a different colour. I know you guys want to be trendy and try new looks out. But some fads sadly should not be making an appearance in your clothing cupboard even if you got it for free. This is most definitely one of them. I don’t understand the logic behind the design. Is it to provide extra reinforcement on the elbows where it gets worn out? Because it’s purpose is certainly not to make you look good.

4. Wearing a suit jacket and pants combo that do not match. Why would anyone think a beige jacket goes with black pants? It looks sloppy and unprofessional. Lose the jacket if you don’t have the matching pants or at the very least stick to the same colour and pattern. Remember even if they are the same colour, if they have been dry cleaned a different number of times the shading won’t be the same.

5. Brown shoes that don’t match to a single item of clothing. Especially if they contain all 50 shades of brown and are so shiny I can see my reflection in them.

6. Baggy untailored clothes. I don’t care how expensive your shirt is, the wrong size makes you look like you forgot to buy new clothes after fat camp. Let’s not even get started on wearing super short ties that make you resemble a clown wearing ill fitting clothing in a circus act.

7. Tank tops/wife beaters. Firstly how horrible are those names? This is an unflattering look even for those who do go to the gym and have a good body. It stinks of trying too hard but not succeeding. If you are one of those guys that wears one in a baggy size, I would rather see your flab without a tank top than you drowning your body in one.

I’m here to tell you that as much as I know that you hate shopping it is perfectly okay to shop and replace your clothes. Especially when they start to tear or those once blue pants are now a dirty shade of brown. Save the rest of us the embarrassment of having to avert our eyes and pretend not to notice.

Fashion & Police,
CG

7 things to leave behind in 2015

Happy New Year to you my lovely readers! The first half of 2015 was great for me. I loved exploring and making memories in London with the people I love. The second half of the year honestly tried to kill me so I’m really glad that it’s over. Here’s hoping that 2016 is going to be a great one for us all (statistically impossible, but it’s the thought that counts right?). I compiled a list of things that I hope will get left behind in 2015. May it provide a few laughs to start of your New Year.

1. Annoyingly stupid words and phrases which includes but is not limited to:

–  Fleek. Doesn’t this sound like a combination of flea and flick?

– Adulting/how to adult. Yes you clearly don’t know “how to adult” if you can’t speak properly. 

– Catch feelings. Are we robots? Are we not supposed to feel at all? It’s impossible to not feel. Also how exactly does one “catch” feelings? Run around with a butterfly net hoping to catch something? All the feels is also another equally as annoying phrase. 

– AF. This sounds like you are too lazy to say Afro out in full. Hey guys, check out my new AF. Just say as fuck. An angel will not fall from heaven and die. I promise.

– I’m all about/I’m not about that life. This sounds so vain, self centred and pretentious. You can’t be a walking talking “about”section of a website. Isn’t that what your Twitter bio is for?

– I woke up like this. Yes sure, full face of makeup and styled hair.We also believe that you were also really sleeping when you took that “sleeping” selfie.

– No chill/throwing shade. In this extremely hot weather I would mind the no chill but you can certainly throw some shade my way. I’ll return the favour by throwing some ice cubes at you so you can get a chill.

2. All white parties and colour runs. Look the first ones were fun and new. With these events now happening every month it’s just a yawn fest. I don’t understand what is special about dressing in one colour. I do however find it hilarious that racists partake in colour runs which is an adaption of an Indian festival called Holi.

3. Secret Santa. One of the stupidest ideas in modern times. I wish someone could explain to me in a logical way, why? Office dynamics: why would anyone give a rats arse about buying a gift for a person in the office they don’t care about? I’ve seen it countless times where people hide behind the anonymity and buy/recycle shitty gifts which are sometimes used or plucked out of their cupboard at home. Cheap people don’t even stick to the budget and spend a significantly amount less. Let’s be honest, you can’t buy something awesome for R50/R100.

In family and friend situations it’s an excuse to get presents without buying for everyone. If you include a list of items you want it’s so silly because you might as well buy it yourself. There is no element of surprise or excitement. You should be able to choose whether or not to buy a present, for who to buy and the amount to spend. Let’s stop the secret Santa bullshit and rather donate to charity of our choice instead. 

4. People who can’t tell the difference between a real and a parody account. Learn to read or use Google to explain the definition of a parody if you dont know. Think and validate before posting incorrect information and making a fool of yourself.

5. Hashtags for personal events. The misuse of hashtags on Facebook makes me want to screech like a banshee to cause people the same amount of pain they do to me. Why do you need a hashtag as a couple, event or holiday. Who exactly is going to search for that hashtag? People who know you? They already have you on Facebook so they don’t need to search. You created a holiday hashtag complete with tshirts only to upload 10 pictures. Please, you doing social media wrong. Stop before you hurt yourself. Let’s not forget to have a chuckle at those who hashtag when they have a private account on Instagram. Shame they probably need help tying their shoelaces too. We shouldn’t laugh at the intellectually challenge but they make it too easy.

6. Asking either or both of the dreaded how is work/when are you getting married. There are so many more interesting questions to ask other than work. I would even prefer a more general question of how I am doing to that. The marriage question makes me want to reply “in a month but you are not invited”. It doesn’t make sense to ask an unengaged person when they are getting married. Let me stop you before you think you should rather ask when are you getting engaged. A guy will keep it a secret so his girlfriend won’t find out and a girl doesn’t propose so she can’t answer your question either. If you are important in a person’s life they will tell you without being asked. Furthermore don’t assume you will be invited to a wedding. I wish people would stop measuring a person’s success by engagements and weddings. It’s such an old school mentality to think someone has made it in life because they have hooked themselves a man. Women are perfectly capable of being successful and fantastic all by themselves.

7. Sharing entire song lyrics, word porn quotes or fake competitions. There are 7 billion people in the world, a good chunk of them will identify with a song or poem with you not being the only one. You don’t have to share it to make yourself special because those feelings are not unique to you. It’s okay to read, enjoy, be affected and move on. Be realistic about competitions, an account that is not verified and has a few hundred followers is not the real deal. You are not going to win a BMW by sharing a link on Facebook.

I would have added that I hope that people wouldn’t be queuing at Starbucks and taking selfies when it opens this year but I know that will be too much to ask. I will just be here silently laughing, judging and probably writing a blog post about it.

Happy & New,
CG